You will never know
by Vanilla Night
Summary: Then, suddenly, she stepped away. The tears wiped off her face and looking at me with a determined expression. I took a deep breath. I was shaking. Weak. So weak. "It's over." She said, quickly and loud. Time seemed to stop after that.


It has been sooooooooo long since I wrote! Gooosh.

This is an one-shot.

I just finished watching Vampire Diaries ep.8 (season 2) and I got all emotional with the whole Elena Damon scene and the song made it sooo much worse. It MADE me write this chapter.

This is actually kinda a preview for my upcoming/future story which will be posted…somewhere in the next ten years If I keep being this inactive.

So yeah, WARNING, It might be depressing or something. It's Natsume's point of view something I wanted to try for a long time now. Hope it's not (too) OOC.

Have fun reading :P :D

Song for the mood: Athlete – Wires , Sleeperstar – I was wrong, Future of forestry – Did you lose yourself. (all from VD :P )

Oh and, btw, the italics are Natsume's thoughts.

* * *

I stood in front of the fireplace and waited, counting the seconds off in my head.

She would be storming in any second now.

I tried to control my overwhelming emotions.

"You don't have any right to cry." I muttered to myself over and over again but it was no use, I still felt the tears stinging in my eyes.

I heard the rain drops against the window and it seemed as if it was crying with me, for me, and then I heard the door. My heart stopped and I sucked in some air. Her footsteps came closer and closer, turning louder with each step she took and then the noise stopped. I could sense her standing right across the room.

Second passed before she came closer, slowly, as I turned around. I wasn't ready. I couldn't control the emotions inside me. She must have seen my face because she started tearing up too. I had this situation planned out but I could still not get my act right.

_Don't cry. It's for the best_

I said that line over and over again like a mantra but everything immediately faded away when she spoke.

"I can't take this anymore." She choked out trying to sound audible.

Her voice cracked and I knew she had already cried before coming here.

My heart ached for her. Badly. So badly. But I knew this had to happen someday. It was impossible to continue like this but it still hurt. It still hurt a lot.

The lump in my throat wouldn't go away no matter how many times I gulped. It just became heavier and more painful with each gulp. And then, suddenly all my emotions burst out as I felt it coming. The words were about to leave her lips.

"Don't do this to me." I could hear myself plead desperately.

She shook her head.

"This could work. I.. I could leave- "

"Don't say it, Natsume. You won't." She said and my heart ached as another tear rolled down her cheek.

I wanted to reach out and pull her in my arms but we both stood a reasonable distance away.

She was just like me… Trying to hold on.

She shook her head again and a soft cry escaped her lips.

I breathed out.

When she looked up, I couldn't suppress it anymore.

I looked away as the tears escaped my eyes. Damn. This couldn't be happening.

"It's not your fault. It was mine." She said and finally walked over to me.

_Hold me._

I remained silent. It was better this way. She could get it over with and go.

But then I felt her soft hands caress my face, cupping it and I met her hazel eyes.

Those beautiful eyes.. Her love was so clear, so pure.

_Kiss me. Never stop holding me._

I heard sobs but didn't know if it was hers or mine.

"Please." I pleaded.

Her hands were warm, burning my cold skin.

It felt as if I was choking as my heart throbbed more painful with each beat.

"Save me from this pain." I muttered as I saw her pained expression.

It hurt so much.

"I can't live like this anymore, Natsume." She said.

She didn't say my name like she used to.

She spoke it out like I was…

Like I was the reason.

The guilty one.

And I was.

It was my fault.

I had messed it up.

_You messed her up._

Then, suddenly, she stepped away.

The tears wiped off her face and looking at me with a determined expression.

I shook my head and looked at her pleadingly but it seemed to have no effect on her. I took a deep breath. I was shaking. Weak. So weak.

"It's over." She said, quickly and loud.

Time seemed to stop after that. Everything froze around me. My emotions died away. I didn't know if I had realized the meaning behind her words. I couldn't feel anything.

_Don't you see how much I need you?_

"Okay." I could hear myself say.

I wanted to punch myself so badly. I wish I didn't had to say that.

I saw her face change to a pained expression once again.

"T-That's it?" She asked.

_No. That's not it. I can't live without you. Can't you see that? Please don't leave me._

"Yes."

Tears rolled down her face again and I felt like hugging her, kissing her and telling her how much I loved_, love_, her.

I would kill for her.

She was the reason I lived.

My air.

My light.

But I couldn't.

Because in the end, all I could do was hurt her. Pull her into the darkness that swallowed my whole life. And I couldn't do that.

Because I loved her.

"I'm not coming back this time, Natsume."

_I wish I could come after you._

"Okay."

She looked down and then up again. She could see through me. She knew I was acting. She knew I was dying from inside too.

But what she didn't know was that I had planned this.

I knew she was coming. I knew she was ending it. She didn't know half the story. She couldn't look into my mind this time.

"I'm moving away." She whispered.

_Stay._

I merely nodded.

I knew she was moving.

Didn't she realize I kept track of everything she did?

_Don't move. Please. Stay here. Read my mind. Save me. Please, save me._

She turned around and my lip started trembling.

I bit on it so hard I tasted blood.

She was taking slow steps, walking away unsteadily. As she was about to leave the room, she turned around one more time facing me. A single tear rolled down her face and she smiled, the smile I loved so much but this time filled with sorrow.

"I will always love you." She said, loud and clear.

_You were the only one I ever loved and even if I want to forget, I will never be able to erase the memories of you I treasure so much._

I nodded again.

"I know." I said.

Her eyes lingered on me for a second more before she turned around and walked out of my life.

I waited until I heard the front door bang shut with a click and that was it.

She was gone.

I felt myself slip away and I fell down against the wall, slipping down to the ground.

"I will always love you too, Mikan." I whispered to the empty room as coldness surrounded me.

My heart had died and all the feelings inside me too. It was all planned. She thought I had cheated on her. That I would never end it with Luna.

It was all planned.

Everything.

The whole set-up.

Just to save her… Like she had saved me.

Somewhere, a phone rang and I looked up.

The house phone.

I took out my phone.

9 missed calls.

5 messages.

3 voice mails.

The call switched to voice mail and my father's voice filled the room.

"Natsume, what the hell is wrong with you? You are not picking up your phone. Where the hell are you? A hysterical Luna called me up today and she said you broke off the engagement? You left her? What the hell is wr-BEEEP"

And then it was silent.

I smiled and leaned my head against the wall as tears ran down my face.

Everything was finished now.

Everything.

* * *

Yeahhh.. It's kinda depressing I guess so I hope it didn't make you depressed.

I just wanted to transfer the feeling over.. You know…

I just wanted to try something with Natsume's point of view. I just hoped I portrayed the feelings well and stayed in character :P

Gooosh, it's been so long since I wrote something.

Wow.

Anyway, I'll hear it from you guys I guess :)

Love you and …

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